alice waters Alice Waters

helena louie Helena Louie

rachel maddow Rachel Maddow

philip vaughn Philip Vaughn


provocateur (pro-vok a-tur) n., 1 one who is pissed off about threats to our tainted food issues, imports. 2 piqued about lack of government interest, attention. 3 one who can agitate, provoke, excite, debate. 4 who can organize and stimulate voter forces to save humankind. 5 raise hell.

Reasons for persons willing to take on the intransigent USA government when it comes to the vital concerns relating to the food we consume:

Twelve different U. S. federal agencies are responsible for implementing 35 primary food-safety regulations. (Nick Timiraos, WSJ)

FDA officials refuse to provide database information unless forced to without a formal Freedom of Information request, a process that can take months if not years. Designated Provocateurs, aka Citizen Gun Slingers

(In no particular order)

America should only hope the following agree to call a summit to save humankind. This is the Grumpy Gourmet 101 dreaming...developing...

Alice Waters. She's already cooked up one revolution and showcased it in her own restaurant, Chez Panisse in Berkeley. But it took a trip to France, eating, of course, to recognize the power of seasonal local ingredients. The time has come in the USA for the Waters food philosophy to be the quasi law of the land - if we intend to feed the multitudes. She's made two quiet starts: - 1 - She champions edible education for every child in America; and, 2 - In her zip code (94709) she pioneered, for all ages, the edible schoolyard connecting food, health and the planet.

Hartmut Handke. America's Master Chef. ACF certified, German-born, recognized as the winningest competition chef in America. Huge supporter of the Culinary Institute of America working through its apprentice program.

C. Everett Koop. The good doc helped kill Joe Camel. Possibly he can do the same for products from China.

Helen Thomas. Assignment: Just ask questions that irritate the White House. Her major cause, saving Social Security. Now a columnist for Falls Church (Va.) News-Press.

Haley Barbour. Mississippi governor who was on deck when his state suffered though and recovered from the nation's worst natural disaster, Katrina, in American history. When our food and water nightmare arrives, Barbour should be in control.

Jay Rockefeller. The nation's most honest lawmaker. Rich. He doesn't have hidden agendas. Dignified. Assigned to bring all GG 101 provocateurs into one huge policy-making tent. The Rockefeller Conclave to be held in his West Virginia, The Greenbrier, thus avoiding lobbyists. People with K-street addresses, Washington, D. C., are to be detained at the Lewis County border. The man has spent his entire adult-professional life serving humankind. As his supporters in West Virginia say..."he's rich. He doesn't have to steal."

Sherrod Brown. Already on the deadly food story; appears on MSNBC to ignite interest; now being asked to sponsor legislation creating an off-shoot of C-SPAN 1-2-3 to be C-SPAN 4 dealing only with CDC's vast research repository of ALERTS on food safety, food irradiation, food related diseases and almost all food recalls. TV storyline thrust: Produce to appeal to the short attention spans out there in NumbNumbLand. For details on proposed C-SPAN 4 reporting on all critical issues and alerts posted daily by CDC, e-mail...

Gloria Allred. Sue the bastards. The Grump will pay all filings fees. Then book Leno, Letterman and Kimmel to reach the after-dark crowd that missed the 11 o'clock news. She's to be counsel for that strongest of plaintiffs, those only who have the Court of Public Opinion on their side. The Allred bio: Has a well documented "career fighting on the front lines for victims' rights." There are some 300 million victims of food issues in this USA.

Helena Louie. Our pure foods advocate. Give her a national platform.

Rachel Maddow. Air America Radio. MSNBC. A brilliant, strong voice when commenting on social and political ills facing USA.

Philip Vaughn. Technio sapien who has the Internet at his fingertips and can track evil doers in minutes.

Larry Flynt. Create a vox populi approach, inflame consumers about growing import evils, buy ink space in the LATimes, NYTimes, Chicago Tribune and my morning delivery, The Columbus Dispatch, to enlist support of those who can read; get invited to appear on Jerry Springer to reach the Mountain Dew crowd of illiterates who can't read but vote.

Jack Cafferty. To conduct daily viewer polls via CNN on food issues, food recalls, virus updates, weaknesses of FDA, USDA. Blow whistles. Make a movie on food matters. At least threaten to make a movie.

Oprah, Martha and Ellen. A trio of strong literate voices covering the nation from the Atlantic to the Pacific with Chicago in between. Their assignment: Gather for a televised food summit; create voter havoc.

OWN. Oprah's network needs to get out of the copycat food network kitchen with recipes and fry cooks in toques. Be different. Consider a ready-made platform.... Book a provocateur with a prosecutor's zeal. Eliot Spitzer, once free of CNN, comes to mind. OWN's producers need to get out of the kitchen and tour a few drive-through fast food windows...start with Taco Bell. A lawsuit claims Taco Bell is short-changing buyers on how much beef is in the shell. Time magazine idents one listed ingredient as silicon dioxide. Then the mag goes so far as to note that silicon dioxide is "finely ground pure sand." OWN is entitled to use as a name for such a show... Chemical Cuisine. First guest: Michael F. Jacobson, founder CSPI...Center for Science in the Public Interest; second guest: Alice Waters; third guest, Tom Johnson, former official state chef for Ohio; fourth day, a duo of David Zinczenko with Matt Goulding, authors of Eat This, Not That! For the Friday show stopper, Richard Simmons. Note: not one bam bam chef appears on this list...and Dr. Phil gets a day off.

As critical food issues mount,
call with suggestions to provoke Washington.