Johnny collects fun food stuff
that can't find a spot elsewhere

Where to dine tonight?
That's the question posed at least once a day.
No one takes my advice...mostly because of
their proximity, cash flow, allergies, religion,
obesity, politics, they do not want steak houses,
they do not want seafood, sushi, burritos, pizza,
previous experiences, they detest valet parking...
the never go to chain eateries.......................so,
my final advisory: Eat at home......grump

...decisions, decisions...

Can't eat pork,
Swine flu...

Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.

Can't eat Beef,
Mad cow....

Can't eat eggs,

Can't eat fish,
heavy metal poisons in their waters.

Can't eat fruits and veggies,
insecticides and herbicides.


I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!

...so, eat at home.........................

(Credit: That endless Internet offering loads of good reads sans credit. To the first reader of all this who knows the source, two free cookbooks, one composed by the Grumpy Gourmet, a keeper written by Charlie Trotter and published by Ten Speed Press.)

Putting a Nut Allergy to a good use:

A Jewish mother's wedding
Invitation for her son's upcoming....

Source Unknown


Old story, new twist...
Man dies in cake-eating contest:
For decades ill-informed marketing people, most taking thus-far safe events pushed annually by Nathan's Hotdogs, think eating contests increase business. Chicken wing cults run second to Nathan's. In the 1980s the first reported death from such gross affairs involved a Marine in North Carolina. Hotdogs choked him to death. Since then we have a major national competition going that encourages idiocy. Do we need laws to ban such? Think about that when you read this story off BBC ...click here to read...

Please, don't credit us with this:
Venison will not be on the menu tonight...

Should PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) be credited with this Internet find? Regardless, food is a huge comic strip source. On any given day the newspaper's strips center on a food subject. For a morning hobby, count the strips with food or drink in the story line.

Dagwood Bumstead was the pioneer, so much so Daniel Webster has recognized the Dagwood as a sandwich. The definition which fits: A thick sandwich with a variety of fillings, often of apparently incompatible foods.

This link has been added to the otherwise serious link subjects. Johnny Salami collects incompatible food items. Some in visual form. Some not for public consumption. But, some borderline offerings that burp for his foodie link. Without comment, they will be separated by this double line of dashes. =========================================================

orson welles The Orson Welles diet:
“My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four…unless there are three other people.”


Trish Rules:
So true Johnny wishes he'd written this...

Trish Rule : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain?? Trout?

Trish Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

Trish Rule : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the jerk. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ...well, ya know...everyone has one...

Trish Rule : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting??? Oh wait!? They're already doing that--It's called "The Rush Limbag Show......"

Trish Rule : If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?" Either that or expect to work for Wild Oats until the ink fades and your nose jewelery rusts....

(Original source unknown, so there.)



Beer Intelligence
Culled from experience
and too much research...
By Gundun
Texas Tech University

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver" Babe Ruth

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. Ernest Hemingway

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Paul Hornung

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. H.L. Mencken

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! George Bernard Shaw

BEER: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C. W.C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can! Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers, Cliff Claven explained the "Buffalo Theory" to his buddy, Norm. "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

A Coors has possibilities because of Rocky Mountain waters, but they should run it through the horse one more time. Stick with Rolling Rock. (*)
From the days of old when newsletters were composed with ink on pulp, circa 1985. The Grumpy Gourmet's monthly was mailed first class to a distinguished readership.

(*) Since reversed when the once cult brew came in green glass bottles out of Latrobe, Pa., and the brewers used mountain spring waters from nearby in western Pennsylvania. Today the Rock is brewed in New Jersey using a public water supply. New Jersey. Jot that down.
Doral Chenoweth

As critical food issues mount,
call with suggestions to provoke Washington.

E-mail: thegrumpygourmet@wowway.com